[Image: a photograph of two cakes on a table that is covered in a plastic “Let’s celebrate!’ tablecloth.]
I’ve been trying to sleep off a weird ear and/or sinus/allergy/whatever pain thing all day, but yesterday, my grandmother and aunt wanted to have a birthday party for me, which was weird because it was a month after the fact, but I went with it. And also I decided to have two cakes to make up for years of not celebrating or having any birthday cake. I.e., by attempting to be the girl with the most cake.

[Image: a photograph of two cakes on a table that is covered in a plastic “Let’s celebrate!’ tablecloth.]

I’ve been trying to sleep off a weird ear and/or sinus/allergy/whatever pain thing all day, but yesterday, my grandmother and aunt wanted to have a birthday party for me, which was weird because it was a month after the fact, but I went with it. And also I decided to have two cakes to make up for years of not celebrating or having any birthday cake. I.e., by attempting to be the girl with the most cake.

[Image: an embedded tweet by @rcknthesnglgrl that says “I have to go to the gym and do some crying on the treadmill right now but more updates after that as they come in”.]

A new memoir by Jamie Sinvergüenza

[Image: two screencaps of a thread of text messages from an android phone.]

Thinking about old friends and friend break ups is really hard and really sad, but it also makes you really appreciate the people who’ve stuck by you and who you’ve let yourself stick by.

Also, when you’ve been friends for so long that you don’t have to discuss whether or not you’ll be going to a Sleater-Kinney reunion show that hasn’t been announced and isn’t even necessarily happening

That thing where a person repeatedly does and says things that hurt you but won’t or can’t take responsibility because they didn’t mean to

How do you deal with that? Like, literally? I feel like I spent a lot of the last two years trying to answer that question, and like I’ve recently begun to understand that there is no way to deal with it. If a person can’t admit how much more social power and advantage they have than you do, if they can’t apply all the academic/abstract knowledge they have about power and hierarchy to sorting out how those things fuck with your personal relationship, if they don’t know the difference between responsibility and fault, it makes it pretty much impossible for either of you to maintain that relationship.

I’m glad that I’m better at setting boundaries, choosing friends, and being a friend; learning those skills is difficult and not everyone has access to figuring these things out. Also for as critical as I am of self-reliance rhetoric, I’m kind of grateful that I don’t need as much from people as I used to. For a long time I was grieving (I still am, but it’s different now), and I was also young and naive and thought that I was ‘supposed’ to ‘need’ people. I know better now, and I’m a lot better at accepting/not judging other people’s ‘flaws’, which is to say that I’m better at accepting and addressing my own issues.

It’s still hard though, and sometimes ‘social flux’ and the way people come and go from our lives is still painful and sad and scary. 

Thusly, I’m going to spend a few minutes on having a cry-listen to “Purple Rain” and maybe also “Hey Jupiter” even though I haven’t really listened to Tori Amos since high school, and then go run/walk it off at the gym

[Image: a screencap of a tweet by @thewordy that reads “maybe women are ‘mysterious’ creatures to you because you’ve grown up with media that doesn’t explore their rich inner lives”]
youdontlooklikeafeminist:

bec-centigrade:

writergrrrl:

pervocracy:

postwhitesociety:

hm

I think the “women are mysterious” thing can also come from:
1) Women actually being quite clear, but not telling men what they want to hear.  ”She said she doesn’t want to talk to me?  So many mixed messages and confusing signals!”
2) Women not having cheat codes.  ”I tried being nice, and she didn’t have sex with me.  I tried being an asshole, and she didn’t have sex with me.  Come on, there’s got to be some kind of solution to this puzzle!”
3) Women not being a hive mind.  ”First a woman told me that she likes guys with big muscles.  Then the very next day a woman told me she thinks muscles aren’t attractive at all.  Make up your mind, women!”
4) An individual woman doing something confusing, and instead of asking “why is she doing this now?” men ask “why do women always do this?”

5) Women sometimes don’t say what they’re really thinking/feeling because society has taught us that certain emotions and reactions are unacceptable (i.e. you must be nice to men even when they’re creeps because man feelings are delicate and must be protected at all costs).
6) Women sometimes don’t say what they’re really thinking/feeling because we’re used to our thoughts and emotions being invalidated and can learn to invalidate them ourselves.
7) You didn’t even fucking ask. 

8) You see women as NPCs instead of people, so when they act like people you’re surprised and wonder how such a sophisticated NPC can exist and what algorithms drive it, instead of interacting with her as a human being.

I’m pretty sure I’ve already posted this, but there are new and fabulous comments now…

[Image: a screencap of a tweet by @thewordy that reads “maybe women are ‘mysterious’ creatures to you because you’ve grown up with media that doesn’t explore their rich inner lives”]

youdontlooklikeafeminist:

bec-centigrade:

writergrrrl:

pervocracy:

postwhitesociety:

hm

I think the “women are mysterious” thing can also come from:

1) Women actually being quite clear, but not telling men what they want to hear.  ”She said she doesn’t want to talk to me?  So many mixed messages and confusing signals!”

2) Women not having cheat codes.  ”I tried being nice, and she didn’t have sex with me.  I tried being an asshole, and she didn’t have sex with me.  Come on, there’s got to be some kind of solution to this puzzle!”

3) Women not being a hive mind.  ”First a woman told me that she likes guys with big muscles.  Then the very next day a woman told me she thinks muscles aren’t attractive at all.  Make up your mind, women!”

4) An individual woman doing something confusing, and instead of asking “why is she doing this now?” men ask “why do women always do this?”

5) Women sometimes don’t say what they’re really thinking/feeling because society has taught us that certain emotions and reactions are unacceptable (i.e. you must be nice to men even when they’re creeps because man feelings are delicate and must be protected at all costs).

6) Women sometimes don’t say what they’re really thinking/feeling because we’re used to our thoughts and emotions being invalidated and can learn to invalidate them ourselves.

7) You didn’t even fucking ask. 

8) You see women as NPCs instead of people, so when they act like people you’re surprised and wonder how such a sophisticated NPC can exist and what algorithms drive it, instead of interacting with her as a human being.

I’m pretty sure I’ve already posted this, but there are new and fabulous comments now…

Start ignoring people who threaten your joy.
Literally, ignore them.
Say nothing.
Don’t invite any parts of them into your space.
Alex Elle  (via bl-ossomed)

(via fatquean)

[Image set: a series of tweets about current events and protests in Ferguson, MO.]

iwriteaboutfeminism:

Darren Wilson remains on paid leave as protesters show solidarity with their comrades in Hong Kong.

Friday, October 10th

(via fatquean)

[Gif: a captioned gif of a young blonde girl who is lying on the ground. The captioning reads, “I’m so full from eating too many midnight snacks.”]

[Gif: a captioned gif of a young blonde girl who is lying on the ground. The captioning reads, “I’m so full from eating too many midnight snacks.”]

(via plantasplantas)

[Image: a screencap of a tweet by @michaelskolnik that reads, “Amazing point this morning by @MHarrisPerry reminding us that the Montgomery bus boycott lasted 381 days. #nerdland”]

thelingerieaddict:

blackfemalescientist:

shmurdapunk:

justice4mikebrown:

Mike Brown was murdered 64 days ago

This is something school lessons really downplay.

I legit thought it only lasted a week or two and was shocked when I learned otherwise.

Because to acknowledge the length of the protests/boycotts is to suggest that the United Stated resisted the right thing. They like to pretend like the country just didnt know what it was doing and only had to be tapped gently on the shoulder before it changed everything. They don’t want people to know that the country clung to its racism for almost a decade after the movement really started. Hell, they act like rosa parks, the million man march and the civil rights act all happened in one year or less. It didnt.

History.

(via gugugutwrench)

nuyorican grad student's notes on race, class/capital, and gender in 'punk' and diy subculture, b/w occasional 'real life stuff', cute animals, and relevant screen caps. she/they pronouns.

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