"no one can love you until you love yourself"
that is complete bullshit
don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve love from other people because you struggle with loving yourself
Seriously. We learn what love and care are by being loved, and by having good self-esteem modeled for us by people who both know how to care for themselves and accept care from others, and the reality is that not everyone is lucky enough to get those lessons from parents or caretakers or family. Some people are still learning, and if you have friends or people like that in your life you should be actively supporting and caring for them, not telling them trite, phony, WASPy, self-helpy bullshit like “no one can love you until you love yourself”.
In the rare cases where actual psychological differences exist, they cannot be attributed to innate neurology alone. Everything in the brain is a combination of nature and nurture. Culture comes into play, which affects behavior, which then affects the brain. From birth (and even in the womb), a baby is labeled as a girl or boy and treated a certain way as a result. For example, a 2005 study of 386 birth announcements in Canadian newspapers showed that parents tend to say they’re “proud” when it’s a boy and “happy” when it’s a girl. Anne Fausto-Sterling, a biologist at Brown University, has shown that mothers talk to infant girls more than infant boys. This could partly explain why girls tend to have better language skills later on. “Some differences end up fairly entrenched in adult human beings,” Fausto-Sterling says. “But that doesn’t mean that you were born that way or that you were born destined to be that way.”Stop Looking For ‘Hardwired’ Differences In Male And Female Brains | Popular Science (via brutereason)
[Image: a thigh-up mirror selfie of a young light-skinned woman who is wearing shorts and a t shirt.]
It’s definitely too late for ‘#tbt’ so I guess this is a #flashbackfriday post then. I’m a terrible photographer, and I am completely-selfie inept, but I forced myself to take this picture when I was in Berkley last year for This is Not A Step Fest.
I was hanging out with this guy on the first day of the fest and I introduced him to another young woman that I’m friends with, for him to talk about what a babe she was and talk about her lipstick and shorts in this jerktacular, objectifying way as soon as she was out of earshot. (That person IS a babe, but that wasn’t the point.) His comments made me feel self-conscious, and like I must be an object to him too (which I guess is exactly what his comments were meant to do, even if he didn’t mean it), just one that wasn’t aesthetically pleasing to him. Like with all dudes who have ever approached me, he started talking to me about writing, after a reading I did, because he’d related to some stuff I read about being biracial/functionally white/growing up in white society with a parent/family of color. He never acknowledged how I looked, much less said anything nice to me about my appearance (dude-identified people rarely do), and him saying weird things about a friend out of nowhere made me feel angry and invisible.
I dealt with it by finding a salon on yelp and getting my hair done the next day, and then I went back to the room where I was staying and took this picture. He said more weird things that night, and I responded by rolling my eyes at him really hard and threatening to text my friend that he’d kept talking about (and I did, she was all “ew, why”, which I appreciated). When he sent me a facebook message about the trip a few months later, I told him that what he’d said upset me and that I wasn’t interested in having douchey, insensitive friends. He never wrote back.
tl;dr This is a rare, decent-ish picture of me, and I’m really glad that I don’t have any close white or light-skinned allosexual dude-identified friends anymore, because they were never worth the aggravation. They never did anything but use me and/or try to make me feel guilty about being a decent writer, erase me, and ignore me after I called them on it.